i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
