i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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