Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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