People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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