Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
please come you make the beer taste better
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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