I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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