last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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