I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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