Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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