i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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