he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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