I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
