did you get engaged???
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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