If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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