i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
