Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
