I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
