My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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