i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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