I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
