I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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