Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
