wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
