Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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