we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
