So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
