i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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