My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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