when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
