we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
