This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
