carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
