So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
