Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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