before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to make out with him forever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
