just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
