Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A bitchslap is in order.
dude. I can hear the air.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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