I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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