i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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