Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
