Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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