Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
