New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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