Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
