If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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