she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
