so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize