i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
