Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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