P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
