just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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