New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
