I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize