So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
