I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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