i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
