am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
