I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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