Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
