the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize