I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
