then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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