I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
