I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will be naked everywhere
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
